The perfect time saver for a tired woman!

Let me tell you about the dream I had last night:

I got all ready for bed and set my alarm for an hour early so I could be a good healthy girl and workout in the morning. (It is my theory that I am dreaming about working out out because I desperately want to do so but lately I'm just far to lazy for such good behavior. The scale can attest to that statement.) Anyway, back to my story...Because this is the good healthy girl dream, I actually jump right up when my alarm goes off and I leave the sleeping Mr X to his peaceful slumber (Which, it turns out, wasn't so peaceful because he was dreaming he was in a war - he plays too many video games I think.) and off I went to do some cardio on our elliptical machine. But since it was so early in the morning and I was so tired, I decided to save time and energy by skipping the part where I change into workout clothes. But since I am a body conscious woman I thought I'd at least ensure that I wouldn't cause any additional boob-saggage by allowing my ample (Ah ha ha ha ya right!) breasts to bounce all over the place during the workout. So I put this bra on (And yes I own this exact bra.):

Except I put in on over my sleep shirt because it was far too much effort to actually remove my shirt to put the bra on. There I was pedalling away on the elliptical when Mr X decided he couldn't sleep so he'd come in to chat with me while I worked out. So he opened the door to see me in all my tired-and-time-saving glory... bare feet, green pajama bottoms, white sleep shirt and my very unflattering sports bra proudly on display over my shirt. He burst out laughing and promptly called Mr T to ask him if he'd ever caught Mrs T wearing her bra over her shirt.

And They Call it Puppy Love

I've got a crush on my neighbor's dog.




This dog is really just a puppy and he runs around in our neighbor's back yard all day long. Generally they don't let him in the house, which is fine, but they rarely come out to play with him. It makes me sad to see. I think there's two or three kids that live there and they just stay inside and watch TV.


So whenever they aren't home I crawl up and lean over our fence so I can pet him and give him treats like turkey bacon and leftover chicken (no bones). I tried fish but he's not so down with that and according to my FIL, dogs don't eat fish. I guess not. Sometimes, if they are home, I'll wait until it's dark outside to lean over and give him treats, that way I'm harder to spot.


On Monday we were out of snacks for the puppy so I dragged Mr X to the store and we bought some Beggin Strips and Doggie Filet Mignons. I was so excited and apparently the puppy was too because he was practically doing flips when I gave the treats to him - under the cover of darkness of course.


I've decided to name him Cabrito Frito. Mr X has chosen a different name, Carne Seca. I like my name for him better.


Mr X has suggested that maybe we just get me a puppy of my own. But I don't want just any puppy anymore. I want my neighbor's puppy. I've considered luring him to our yard with a trail of puppy snacks but then how would I explain to the neighbor kids why their puppy is living in my yard now? I've also considered asking the neighbors if we can share the puppy but I've never even spoken to them so I'm unsure of how to proceed with that.



Me: "Hi, we never been formally introduced - We are Mr and Mrs X."


Them: "Well, well, what a pleasure to meat you. We are the Kobe's" (The dad always wears a Kobe Bryant jersey so that's what we call them)


Me: "I notice you have a lovely puppy back there, how's that working out?"


The Kobe's: "Okay I guess. We bought it for the kids but now that the excitement has worn off, they aren't interested in Cabrito Frito anymore so he's probably not getting the exercise he needs."


Me: "Oh, that's too bad. Well, you know, I'd love to help out because I'm so generous and caring so if you'd like I could take him on walks every day and then put him back in your yard when I'm done." (It's a perfect arrangement: he poops in their yard but I get to play with him and take him on walks and feed him treats.)


The Kobe's: "Oh well that sounds like a perfect arrangement! Thank you!"

Well, that's how I imagine it would go. Mr X has assured me that the conversation probably won't work out like I am envisioning. *sigh* I guess I'll just keep slipping Cabrito Frito treats on the sly.

Last weekend's activities...

This weekend Mr X took me fishing (Saturday). I caught a leaf and a twig. I almost caught a flip-flop but it got away from me. It's too bad because that would have been some good eatin'. Twice, while casting, my poorly put together fishing pole (my fault) fell apart with the end portion flying downriver with the line. But don't worry, all the parts got home safely. We did find a nice little spot where the fish were biting and that was fun. As it turns out the fish were smarter than us - they kept managing to evade our hooks while feasting on our bait. I guess they'll just be fatter for the next person...

On Sunday afternoon we decided to take our new bikes on a 'real' bike ride. We didn't do any rough terrain or anything (I don't want to rip a stitch) but we just went more lengthy than our usual 30-45 minute ride around our area of town. We drove to the zoo (downtown), parked and got on the bike path that runs along the Rio Grande. It's a really nice ride because there are no cars around and the view is nice. We rode up to the north end of the city and back to the zoo again. It was 20 miles in about 2 hours.

Dr Pepper does a body good.

My coworker walked in at 8:15 this morning polishing off a bottle of regular Dr. Pepper. Who drinks that stuff at 8am? What about milk? Water? If you need some caffeine because you stayed up late boozing (just an educated guess) and can't function without some precious caffeine, what about tea or coffee? (I'm not condoning the use of those even though it sounds like it...) Aren't those more appropriately morning friendly?

Oh, he just polished off his last swig of Dr. Pepper while swallowing several hundred milligrams of ibuprofen. I think that combo on an empty stomach early in the morning would give me a stomach ache. But that's just me. To each their own, I suppose.

******About 10 minutes later******

Now Mr Dr Pepper has begun his morning ritual of belching, undoubtedly caused by his morning beverage of choice. *sigh*

Joke #3

Answer to joke #2: The eel-lectric guitar. (Pretty punny, huh?)

Why did the bird go to the theater?


(I'll just go ahead and give you this one already: So it could wait in the wings.)

If you have time to kill...

This is one of those dumb forward-type thingies. I saw it somewhere online and I thought it was slightly interesting so I couldn't resist filling it out. If you're bored and/or you have time, I'd love to hear your names in the comments.



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1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Dog Forrester (Mr X - Candy Malibu)


2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Rocky Road Flip Flops (Mr X - Chunky Monkey Flip Flops)


3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal): Red Dog (Mr X - Green Monkey)


4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Boise (since I don't have a middle name) (Mr X - Taylor Van Nuys)


5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Ricch (Mr X - Ricje) --okay so our star wars names are pretty lame, maybe yours will be better...


6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Green Steamer (Mr X - Brown Pero)


7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers): John Thomas (Mr X - John Carl Edward)


8. STRIPPER NAME (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent,favorite candy): Prada Ritter Sport (Mr X - Prada Malt Balls)


9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Dunn Denver (Mr X - Cowles Charleston)


10. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Christmas Lily (Mr X - same as mine) -- a very wimpy result for Mr X, but he says that's inevitable since his choice is a flower of some sort...


11. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Raspberry Slacks (Mr X - Mango Shirt)


12. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Waffle Hibiscus (Mr X - Waffle Palm)

Come on, give it a guess won't you?

So I was going to post the answer to joke #2 but no one even bothered to attempt a guess. If it's too hard for you, at least post a comment saying so - that way I know and I'll post the answer anyway, OK?

So I am eating non-organic strawberries right now and I didn't even wash them first. *gasp* The horror!

After watching Juno for the first time...

Michael Cera, I now pronounce you "type-cast."

If it's plaid or stretchy I'll take it.

The other day I went to the store with Mr X to pick up a few things he had ordered. While there I started browsing some of the ladies clothes. Mr X decided to be sweet and helpful by selecting a few items for me to try on. So he handed me a pair of shorts - brown and black plaid knee length things one size too big for me. (I've been obsessed with all things stretchy and too-large the past 5 or six days, understandably so.) After parading around the store in them, Mr X had completely assured me that these shorts were superior above all others and I impulsively purchased them.

Now, let me tell you a story about one other time in which Mr X both selected an item and convinced me this item was an absolute must-have:

Once upon a time in the lovely land of Hawaii, the X's were on a much needed vacation. Due to the abundance of sunlight on this tropical island, Mrs X decided that some cheap sunglasses would help her really enjoy her trip to the fullest. Mr X, being the accommodating and wonderful man he is, agreed and so the X's set about to find some 'cool shades.' Mr X picked out some fantastic sunglasses for his wife and told her incessantly that they absolutely looked 'the best' on her. So off the happy couple went on their way...until much later when Mrs X came to her senses and got a good look at herself in the mirror and saw this:

For punishment, Mrs X forced Mr X to wear the horrid sunglasses for the rest of the trip. And they lived happily ever after. The End.

(I was hopped up on Vicodin when I purchased my fancy plaid pants and therefore I was very susceptible to the influences of others (namely Mr X). Since I'm still drugged up I remain pretty jazzed about my new duds so we'll see how they look once I've sobered up. I'll let you know...)

Joke #2

The answer to the previous joke was "a stick." This was Mr X's favorite joke. I guessed poop too, for those of you who thought that was the answer. I still maintain that it works just as well.

Anyway, here's the next joke:

What instrument does the whale play?

(If you are wondering where I'm getting these fantastic jokes, they are on the sticks of the Popsicles Mr X and I have been enjoying lately.)

All about the Ritter Sport

This post is for those of you that are unaware of the pleasures of the Ritter Sport. You should go out at once and indulge yourselves in on of these delightful treats. If you want to know more bout them, read this. My personal favorite is the Butter Biscuit. Though the dark chocolate hazelnut is delightful, as is the milk chocolate/raisin/haselnut combo.

Wherefore art thou, Mr T?

Readers, I need your help. Mr T has been absent from this blog for far too long. At least I feel this way....and I'm wondering if you feel this way too. I'm hoping that by posting this, Mr T will see that he is missed here and feel gracious enough to send me an ample number of pictures of what crazy hijinks he's been up to lately so I can share them with you all. So my sweet readers, if you miss Mr T, let it be known in the comments so that he can feel the love here and then respond accordingly (by sending pictures!!!).

Jokes

What's brown and sticky?

It's no wonder...

Mr X and I bought bikes last weekend. They weren't expensive, just basic. We wanted them to play on, to get more exercise, for camping, and I even rationalized that they would be vital to our emergency storage. *blush*

On our first ride Mr X's chain fell off twice and his brakes kept rubbing the tire. On our second ride his seat kept sliding all the way down (it made him look like a little kid) and then he got a flat tire and we had to walk all the way back home. We're going to fix his tire tonight and we'll see what happens on his third bike ride. Hopefully nothing or he is going to freak out probably...

But on to the point... Riding these bikes took me back to my childhood when I would ride all over town on my bike. To my friend's houses, to the store, to work, just for fun, etc. Then it got me thinking how active we are as kids. During the summers my mom would make us go to 2 swim practices a day, followed by yard/house work and then free time. When you're a kid free time means play time so you run around outside and bike and play active games like tag and such. We would do this until dinner time or until we got in trouble for something. So we were active all day long every day. It is no wonder kids are (usually) so skinny and can eat whatever they want! It's also no wonder they seem to sleep soundly too. I'm fairly certain that if I was that active even now I could probably get away with eating a Ritter Sport every single day with no jiggly repercussions.

What's with men and meat?

Occasionally the company I work for rewards us for all our hard work by taking our group out to a nice lunch or dinner on them. Generally no expense is spared for these meals. It is a wonderful gesture and I appreciate it greatly, even though I think my evenings and weekends are worth more than a steak dinner on occasion. However these gestures from the mother-ship always go a long way in terms of restoring our sleep-deprived employee morale. That morale-boost makes a big difference because it helps us to keep going despite everything and plus it generates momentary (albeit fleeting) affection for our jobs/company.

One of my male coworkers (that doesn't really narrow it down since all my coworkers are male) gets so excited about these impending protein feasts. He has been talking incessantly about it for two days now. Which of this restaurant's steaks is best - how he'd like to get the 40 oz Porterhouse (sp?) but he really likes their rib-eye, etc. He's even been pulling up the menu online to gaze longingly at his choices. All of my coworkers look forward to these meat-fests with eager anticipation (that guy in particular is just the most extreme). I don't have anything against red meat but I've never gotten excited about it either. 40 oz? Good grief! That's a lot of weight on one's colon.

Why do men seem to love red meat so much? I'd rather have some cheese.

A Talent I Do Not Posess

Yesterday I gave Mr X a haircut. I've been giving him haircuts for nearly a year now. And I haven't gotten any better at it. It's probably the equivalent of about 6 or 7 haircuts but I just don't seem to be able to get the hang of it. It's a good thing I didn't choose to become a hair stylist or anything. (I can't even do my own hair either - that's why it's straight now, because the best I can do is run a brush through it. Up do? forget it. Ponytail? Scraggly. You get the picture.)

The haircuts I give Mr X turn out okay for the most part (one time I had to buzz cut everything because I accidentally took a chunk out of the front of his head) but in my opinion the professionals to a better job. Plus it's much faster. They can do in about 10 minutes what it takes me a painstaking 30 to do on my own. And no matter how many times I cut his hair I get nervous beforehand. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem doing it, it saves money after all. But if he's got a big event to go to and the pressure's on, I'm a wreck. Case in point: The buzz cut mentioned above happened right before Mr X went on a trip to Vegas with his brothers. He didn't seem to care but I was totally upset that I 'ruined' his lovely hair.

My hairstyling prowess has a long history:

I gave a friend a haircut in high school and the result got him severely grounded.

I once told my brother I could fix his bleached out blond tresses (the top was bleached lighter than the sides from the sun for some reason) and his hair had an unnatural orange-y hue after that. He had to make an special trip to my professional stylist at the time to get it fixed.

Some time later that same brother trusted me to cut his hair again and I ended up having to shave his head entirely.

I tried to give Mr X highlights (he's such a good sport, isn't he?) once and he ended up resembling a spotted leopard. He was NOT happy about that one at all. That might have been because I was laughing so hard at the resultant mess.

I have to say that I'm impressed by Mr X's bravery in the face of my dangerous skills. He always give me the benefit of the doubt, tells me I did a good job and he never gets mad at me (unless I rudely laugh at him). What a sweet and patient man he is!

(Oh and kudos to my brother Dan for his bravery too.)

Review: My favorite snack bar

I've tried a lot of snack bars in my day. Everything ranging from plain granola bars to Power Bars to Larabars. Im always curious to see how they taste and I think I've become a bit of a connoisseur. Anyway, I have finally fallen in love with one type of bar in particular and I don't think I will ever go back to any of the others. Since this bar is so great I thought I'd share it with my lovely readers.

It's called a KIND Bar and it's delicious. All of the various KINDs are scrumptious and healthy (so long as you don't chain eat them or anything - I'll admit sometimes I think I could). These bars are all natural, gluten free, wheat free and the majority of them are dairy free snack bars. They contain no trans fats, are a rich source of fiber, low in sodium and most of them have a low Glycemic Index (GI). But if you have an allergy to nuts you should probably stay far, far away from them.

They come in many flavors such as Fruit & Nut Delight, Nut Delight, Almond & Apricot, Fruits & Nuts in Yogurt, Sesame & Peanuts with Chocolate (my personal favorite), Banana & Oatbran and Walnut & Date (my number two).

I discovered these wonderful treats when I was living gluten free and I've been hooked ever since. You can find them at stores like Wild Oats and Whole Foods but they are much cheaper to buy in bulk (they are usually cheaper here) so I buy them and keep them as part of my food storage. They are really handy to stash in your car or purse. I often take them on hikes or on airplane flights.

(KIND and Amazon should be paying me for this, don't you think?)

My Map of the World

I found this cool website that allows you to make a map that marks the countries to which you have visited. I filled mine in and it's pretty sad:



create your own visited country map

*sigh*
I'm antsy to go somewhere new again. What I'd really like is for my map to look more like this:



create your own visited country map

What places are on your wish list?

Workplace Drama

I know my work sounds boring sometimes but good grief it can be drama-filled. I mean, it's the height of tax season people and there's nothing more important than system performance! Believe it or not, it is more important than your spouse or your kids or your rest or health. This is serious stuff! :-)

It is 10:30 on a Thursday evening and I am working....probably until 12 or 1 (hopefully not longer). But I have to be at the office tomorrow morning bright an early because there is important stuff to be done! Tomorrow night I have to work too, probably until 2 or 3. I'm 'on call' Saturday and I have to work a full day on Sunday.

Rumor has it that after May is over things should calm down a bit. Please, please please....

Paintball Pain

My coworkers managed to convince Mr X and I to join them last Saturday for a paint balling extravaganza in the mountains north of Santa Fe. A couple of my coworkers that didn't go very graciously lets us borrow their guns. So Mr X and I showed up last Saturday dressed in jeans and sweatshirts, ready to play. Then my coworkers showed up in full freaking camo gear - pants, shirts, even hats. It was pretty evident as they strapped on their plastic armored gloves and expertly assembled their guns that this was going to be a slaughter. Unfortunately for me, however, Mr X is quite nimble and stealthy and a pretty good shot. So that left sad little me (the only girl there) for the slaughter. *sigh*

Somehow, magically, I pretty much mostly got shot on my left leg. ALL OVER MY LEFT LEG. So now I'm sporting some very impressive bruises. On Sunday, my leg was actually SWOLLEN from the hits. By Monday that had subsided but my bruises were a brilliant purple and black. Now, 5 days later, they are green, purple, yellow and gray. I thought about taking pictures to show you but the thought of posting a close-up photo of my thigh was too humiliating...

I have to go to the doctor next week and she'll inevitably see my leg. Hopefully these bruises will be gone by then.

You give good advice (and support)

Okay readers I think that I will take your fantastic advice and keep blogging. Sometimes my hectic work makes it difficult for me to find the time to blog and then I feel like a lazy slacker and then I get frustrated and think I should just stop. The other issue I struggle with is that I don't want my blog to be a source of negativity and sometimes, once again as a result of my work, I feel nothing but negative and all I want to do is vent by way of my blog but I don't want to spread around my angry frustration onto all of you. So here's what I'll do - I'll blog when I can (especially because I enjoy the interaction with my lovely readers) and if I'm feeling like I'm channeling Naomi Campbell's rage and negativity I'll just keep quiet. How does that sound?

Now I've got to catch up on some posts...

Notice of Intent to Retire

Hi readers. After much consideration I have decided to retire from the blogging business. This site will be available for a few more days but after that you will no longer be able to access it. Thanks for reading and for all of your comments!

We finally ate it!

A couple days ago Mr X and I made bean soup with ham. It sounds pretty bland, I know, but it's really easy to make and fairly healthy (we only put in a tiny amount of ham - enough for flavor and a couple bits of meat in each bowl) and it provides abundant amounts of fiber. :-) Besides - I think it tastes good. It's a regular dish at our house.

Anyway, this time it was extra special. We used real Black Forest Ham. I bought that ham in Triberg, Germany last march and it's been sitting in our freezer ever since, waiting for it's special day. Lots of special days passed, but we had long since forgotten about the ham. After a foiled attempt to use it on Easter (because I had go into work all day), we finally broke it out on Sunday to enjoy with some extended family. We discovered that the taste was a little too salty and powerful on it's own so Mr X and I made our bean soup with the rest on Tuesday. It was delicious that way. It is kind of fun to use some of the 'souvenirs' from our trips.

How does this sound?

I just came across this article and I just had to share. How do you like that title?

Arsenic Does a Body Good

This evening I discovered the ABQ 2007 Water Quality Report waiting for me in my mailbox when I got home from work. Intrigued, I dug into this report hoping that it would prove to be boring. Unfortunately it wasn't, as you probably already deduced based on the title of this post. Turns out we ABQ residents have rather high levels of arsenic in our drinking water.

Apparently the New Mexico Environment Department has granted the water authority here an exemption to the new arsenic standard set by the EPA. Why? To allow more time to figure out how to get the high levels here under control. This report detailed a map displaying the levels of arsenic in our water supply in the various regions of Albuquerque and wouldn't you know it, my home is situated in the zone with the highest levels of all: 15 PPB.

I looked up the government's recommendations on this particular subject. You can go here to read about what the EPA has determined are safe levels of arsenic for drinking. I'll sum it up for you with a few quotes:

"EPA has set the arsenic standard for drinking water at .010 parts per million (10 parts per billion) to protect consumers served by public water systems from the effects of long-term, chronic exposure to arsenic. Water systems must comply with this standard by January 23, 2006..."

So over two years after NM was supposed to comply with this standard it still hasn't quite gotten there. But the state is making progress - taking it's own sweet time - because apparently in 2003 the levels for where I live were about 28 PPB. However, according to this report the arsenic concentrations in all zones (even mine!) will meet the new standard by December 2008. Whew! (Nearly 3 years after the EPA required it.)

Another interesting aspect of this water report is that it states the effects that these levels (between 10 PPB and 50 PPB) of arsenic may have on a person over 'many years' (what exactly does 'many years' mean?): "...could experience skin damage or problems with their circulatory system, and may have an increased risk of getting cancer."

If you read what the EPA has to say about the effects you will find the following: "Non-cancer effects can include thickening and discoloration of the skin, stomach pain, nausea, vomiting; diarrhea; numbness in hands and feet; partial paralysis; and blindness. Arsenic has been linked to cancer of the bladder, lungs, skin, kidney, nasal passages, liver, and prostate."

The ABQ Water Report really generalized those effects, don't you think?